an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
