; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
