Can i not drive my cunt home
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
