i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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