yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
