the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
