Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
