Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
