OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
