I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
