highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
