the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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