Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
