whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
