so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
