worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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