it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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