He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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