Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
