I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
two words...techno handjob
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
