Do you still have your period?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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