Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's shark week go big or go home
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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