Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
