Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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