your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
