Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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