with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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