so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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