This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
