Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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