I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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