apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
