You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
