No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
