Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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