Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
