my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
