I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
