Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
