jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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