I just saw a hot homeless man
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
