Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
