I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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