I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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