This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
