rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
