is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
