So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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