Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
