ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
