is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
